Luis and I are still in Honduras. I knew a visa would not materialize overnight, but I was hoping by this point we would be very close to boarding a plane bound for the States. I found out this past Friday we received the birth certificate- a three and a half week wait. Our determined lawyer spent a couple of days just waiting for it. Even though it almost took a month, I’m so thankful to be able to check it off! Now it’s time to get a Honduran passport, and then we’re off to the US Embassy for the visa. No idea how the visa process will go; I’ve learned time and again through this experience never to assume.
Yes I do get frustrated with more waiting and wondering when we’ll all be home together, under the same roof, preferably in North Carolina. I can hear that little voice in my head saying, “Enough already!” Actually, to be honest sometimes that voice isn’t so small and could easily be punctuated with a door slamming.
I’ve been sending out prayer requests to a few close friends and family members, and it’s always so encouraging to hear their words of love and support. Our small group leader quoted the I Corinthians 15:58- “ Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.” It’s just like the word of God to meet you where you are.
When I think about it, the past few weeks have definitely not been in vain. I’ve really gotten a chance to know my son and bond with him. At first I was anxious about how a thirty six-year-old female (who could pass for twenty five) would relate to a fourteen-year-old boy, but then I realized I’ve been married to one for almost nine years (ba-dum-bum-ching). Seriously, though, I was a little uncertain how things would work. I mean Sl0an was a shoo-in with his ability to play video games and knowledge of sports. But what would Luis and I talk about and do for entertainment?? I was afraid he’d be bummed I was the parent staying behind in Honduras and not Sl0an.
Despite my worries, God has graciously allowed this time together to be fruitful. I may not know how to play a video game, but I was able to quickly pick up a game of Speed. I may have limited knowledge of sports, but we have shared time sitting on the couch together watching YouTube videos of RKO tutorials. Luis and I have also learned we share an immense love for food (that might be something I have in common with teenage boys in general). The other evening I felt like I was in a race to eat my dinner- he kept “sharing” with me. God definitely knew we were meant for each other.
I know these seem like small things, but they aren’t so small when it’s your child- especially when you are just beginning to know him. Plus, you have to start somewhere. The bigger things will come in time.
Now don’t get me wrong. It hasn’t been perfectly smooth sailing the whole time, and we are aware some rougher waters could be ahead. Right now we are figuring out what limitations need to be placed on video games and TV. Also, he doesn’t typically wake up eager to get the school day started (strange, I know). I thought only small children asked “why” all the time, but it appears that this can continue on into adolescence. I find myself just wanting to say the typical- “Because I said so”. However, I know even these situations are creating depth in our relationship.
Besides growing my relationship with my son, God has been working on me as an individual. He’s been opening my eyes to one of my chief idols- control. I’ve heard when something angers you or gets you frustrated it often reveals a stronghold in your life. The adoption process has been a very useful tool for this purpose. I’ve never felt this helpless before, but it’s so critical I know I can’t put my complete trust in anyone besides God. Also, who am I really living this life for? I can claim every promise God explicitly states in Scripture, but I can’t claim something He hasn’t given me. Like any child I don’t always know what is best- only my Father does.
“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
So even though I’d much prefer to be back home, I’m going to focus on what is good and true. It won’t be perfect, but I’ll try. I know someday I’ll look back on this time and remember all the good stuff (kinda like what people say about childbirth) and be thankful for how God used it in my life and for His glory. With that being said, though, I will also pray for God’s hand to move things along in these last few details- ultimately in His will and not my own. Please feel free to talk to God about it as well, if you feel so led.